my peculiar t h o u g h t s.

I honestly feel bad. I feel bad for 2020.  From Covid, to Kobe, a lot had happened this year. People had called you many nasty things, just because many unlucky things started to happen at the beginning of this year. And like I said, it's only the beginning, we haven't even reached the end of the year yet. Does any popular story/movie u know had a happy beginning? I bet not. That's exactly what I'm talking about, the quote. 2020 may not have a decent start. But hey, we are only at the beginning. We haven't even reached the end yet. We don't have a right to define this year as trash yet. Who knows how this year ends. Who knows what opportunities the rest of this year brings us. Who knows what 2020 planned ahead of us. Don't be so judgemental just yet. We are only at the beginning. Don't judge too fast, I know there's more to 2020 than all of this. we just have to wait and go with the flow for now. I know we will heal, this "bad thing"...

expectations   04/03/20 They don't know what it's like, always threatened by a spike. To act a certain way, sometimes overly cliche. Always have to pay, like I'm capable of it. There are many grays, and not only a bit. I'm tired of these expectations I'm tired of these protests, my failed creations, even though I try my best. All they do is complain, don't care about sympathy nor empathy. They don't know about my hidden pain, nor the pressure that I gain. But in the end, we have to keep running,  to not give up, to k eep trying.  And we need to know when to rest, just know that you tried your best. Welp here's another attempt of me writing a poem. This is a poem I wrote weeks ago, thought I'd share it here. Well now that I read it, it kinda sounds like I'm overreacting, but that just how I feel at the time. And that's all for today, hope u doin' foine in quarantine. Remember, if ur bored u can always read...

c0r0n4 Spent all of our time inside, all-day Doin' whatever we like our way Not much to do but just lay around The families are all bound All of us are at home, browsin' through google chrome Typin' on the web, searchin' for our favorite celeb Well the internet It makes us forget, about the time passin' by It makes the clock say "bye-bye" But hey, let's not waste this opportunity to work on what's inside and not outside, while we wait for immunity Our hope and prayers are all out there. There are sorrow and fear everywhere I try not to get drowned, because of all these emotions that surround My heart goes to the medic team out there, they help to fight this virus that's everywhere. To us, let's stay at home, it's the safest in our dome. But remember to be productive it's important to stay active. I'm sure this will pass, we will all come out in one piece. But until then hold on to your online...

hellaw, it's me again, Lle. Ik no one would probably read this (bcs no one red my first post) but Imma just keep on writing cuz IDC. So if u know what's prob ably the worlds' biggest problem rn, yess it's da CORONAVIRUS also known as the COVID-19 . This virus isn't exactly new it's similar to the MERS & SARS that had happened in the past but still, this virus is really dangerous bcz it's contagious, it spreads really quick & the percentage of being cured is very little. But above these "terrifying" facts I'm actually  not that scared abt this "thing" bcz I feel like it's a normal thing. I mean things like this happens, like the SARS & MERS I mentioned earlier, andd, of course, the deadly plague that kills thousands in the past, so it's actually normal and not that scary to me. I mean maybe this is Gods' way of dealing with overpopulation :v, annual way ya know. I mean it makes sense right? Yup, I thought s...

  19 / 01 / 20 Keringat, kotor, memar, sepeda berdebu  Siang hari itu aku meletakkan tas ku. Lalu aku berangkat menenteng sepeda ku menuju tukang tambal ban.  Setelah itu aku mencoba menaiki sepeda ku untuk pertama kalinya sejak lamaa sekali. Sepeda ungu ku tersebut terlihat sangat berdebu karena memang sudah lama tidak digunakan. Tangan serta seragam ku menjadi kotor karenanya.  Setelah aku mencoba menaiki nya ternyata tidak nyaman karena tempat duduk & stang nya yang terlalu pendek untuk tubuh ku yang sudah bertumbuh sejak terakhir kali aku mengendarai sepeda tersebut. Aku kembali menenteng benda itu ke rumah. Di rumah aku mencoba untuk menaikkan stang serta dudukannya. Keringat mengucur dari kepalaku. Keraass sekali ternyata memutar kunci untuk menaikkannya. Capek...  Siang itu aku kembali melintasi jalanan sekitar komplek rumah dengan sepeda yang aku dapatkan sejak ulang tahun ku yang ke 7 waktu itu.  Rasa bosan dari kehidupan sehari2 ku terasa luma...

 16 / 01 / 20 Tanpa sadar, salah satu tujuan utama hidup kita adalah untuk menerima validasi dari orang lain. Pembenaran dari orang lain. Persetujuan dari orang lain.  Validasi juga menurutku dapat berarti pernyataan /tanda terima bahwa kita valid/layak. Tanda terima yang diberikan oleh masyarakat kepada kita.  Jika kita berbeda atau tidak cocok dengan masyarakat/lingkungan tersebut maka kita akan merasa terkucilkan, kita tidak di validasi. Itu sebabnya kadang kita rela melakukan apapun untuk dapat menjadi bagian dari masyarakat/lingkungan tersebut (/untuk mendapatkan validasi). Disini dimana kita harus hati2. Kita dapat melakukan HAL apapun, yaitu positif... maupun negatif... Kadang kita harus berhati2 jika ingin berubah untuk mendapatkan validasi.  Orang berlomba2 untuk mendapatkan validasi agar merasa diterima dalam kehidupan ini. Tapi ingat, hidup kita bukan cuma tentang mendapatkan validasi dari orang lain, tapi juga dari kita sendiri. ~